This Life

As I was about to cross the street with Maddie today I reached out my hand and she clasped mine. It is one of my favorite feelings. Not necessarily emotional, but touch-wise. Her little chubby, soft, warm fingers...I love them.

I want to freeze her at this stage. There are some drawbacks like right now she is on a kick talking and asking questions about when she was a little baby. She pretends she is a baby...she even tries to pretend that she is nursing which drives me crazy and violates what little personal bubble I have left. But all in all, I want to eat her up she is that cute.

I am enjoying spending some alone time with her. I've not had that ever. I can pick her up, squeeze her and lay hundreds of kisses on her without worrying if Annalise is getting jealous or feeling left out, trying to make things even. Love without fear...nice.

My thoughts have turned to this mother in Arizona, who, with her husband was in a horrible plane crash and he suffered, I think, burns on 30% of his body, and her body was something like 70%. I found out from my cousin who blogs and reads this woman's sister's blog. It's amazing this connection I feel to a complete stranger. I tear up and even cry a little when I read about her. I check the status every once in a while. This wonderful woman, with four children and who is deeply and madly in love with her husband.

Terrible things happen in life; it isn't suppose to be easy. After all, if things were just given to us, we would not grow. You know, how a seed has to push through the soil to come up?

At Geoff's dad's funeral a few weeks ago, Geoff spoke. He referenced President Packer's (of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles) talk, "The Play and the Plan." President Packer taught that we are in a three act play, coming on stage on the second act, not knowing what was in the first. Most importantly he said that there is no "happily ever after" in the second act. That is only to be found in the third and last act.

So this life is difficult. It brings us to our knees as we try to make sense of it all. We have to learn to control our appetites and look beyond ourselves and serve others. I like the story of Nephi in the Book of Mormon when his brothers were horrible to him and tied him up. He didn't ask God to take the struggle away from him, but asked to be strengthened to do it. And we do become strengthened. I am grateful for the struggles I have had with my father's poor health. It has helped me learn to control my anxieties, it is given me opportunities to test my faith and my hope, it has brought me closer to my family members and to my Father in Heaven.

There are so many joys in this life, too. My husband and my children bring me great joy. They are each so warm, bright and hilarious. I think because my life forces me to look past myself constantly (not neglecting myself, mind you) and serve those around me, I am happy.

Not my usual post, I know. These things have been on my mind so strongly the past two days I thought I would write them down.