Insomnia

I woke up at 1:30...that is over an hour ago. I went to the bathroom and went back to bed. Geoff got up and did the same (I woke him up) and he went right to sleep. I didn't....

I used to have the insomnia where I would toss and turn and watch the clock and start by counting how many hours of sleep I had been awake to how many hours of sleep I would get before having to start the day. But that was back in high school and in the few years that followed. I think having children cured it...expect these strange nights every once in a while when I can't go back to sleep.

I didn't go to the gym yesterday...the house is a mess...my nightstand has clutter...all these reasons for being awake start going through my head. I say a prayer that I will be able to be calm...well, I'm not hyperventilating myself into a panic attack and that can count for calm, right?

I thought about decluttering my bedroom and the closet near the kitchen--but that will wake up somebody, I just know it. Before finally getting out of bed I did make my nightstand better.

ARgh...hormones, maybe? I wish I had made it to the gym today (or yesterday, since it is technically yesterday's tomorrow) and perhaps worked out this adrenaline that is surging through my blood right now.

At first when I got to bed I ran through a list of safety (doors locked, windows closed, etc..) but then I started "Mom Paranoia"--I hope I'm not the only, I've assumed I'm not hence the general label I've given it. I start worrying that burglars are going to come into my home, kill Geoff and me and steal the girls. It's awful, isn't it? So drastic and unlikely. But that is me in the middle of the night when I hit any sort of alertness. I worry about silly and horrible things. So now that I'm more alert than my just-woke-up-alert and am more reasonable that the kidnapping/murder thing probably won't happen...I can go back to bed, I hope.